I cover what autism actually looks like across the lifespan, what the DSM-5 levels mean in real terms, and why the push to find a "cure" fundamentally misunderstands what autism is. I also speak honestly to families who are struggling at the more profound end of the spectrum — because their experience is real and deserves to be part of this conversation too.

Autism is a lifelong, hereditary, natural variation of the human brain. And our world wouldn't be where it is without it.

Follow the show so you never miss an episode.

➔ Watch on YouTube

➔ Read the blog: Autism Isn’t a Childhood Disease—It’s Time We Embrace Neurodiversity at Every Age

➔ Free quizzes, assessments & resources at jodicarlton.com

I share the research, the language that's holding us back, and the personal moment that started my own journey: sitting in a workshop and realizing—with chills—that the speaker was describing my daughter.

When we stop trying to fix neurodiversity and start understanding it, everything changes: our relationships, our communities, and how we see ourselves.

👉 Watch this episode on YouTube

👉 Read the blog: A New Perspective on Neurodiversity: Understanding Differences Without Judgment

👉 Free assessments and resources

If you've ever felt like you're running on empty, or wondered if any of this gets easier, this one is for you. Part personal story, part permission slip.

Follow the show so you never miss an episode!

👀 Watch this episode on YouTube

👉 Read the blog: Hey Mama, I See You — Navigating The Exhaustion of Parenting a Neurodivergent Child

"You don't look autistic."
"We're all a little autistic."
"You're too articulate to be autistic."

These comments feel like compliments. For autistic individuals, their partners, and their families, they land like paper cuts—small, accumulating, and quietly damaging over time.

In this bonus episode, I unpack why these well-meaning comments are so harmful, how confirmation bias and outdated stereotypes lead even professionals to dismiss autistic people, and what masking is really costing the people we love. I also share something my daughter—diagnosed autistic at five, and told repeatedly that she doesn't look it—asked me to read on her behalf.

Autism doesn't have a look, but it does deserve to be seen. 💙

➔ Watch this episode on YouTube

➔ Read the blog: Autism Microaggressions: Why "You Don't Look Autistic" Does More Harm Than You Think

➔ Free assessments and resources

Neurodiverse Relationship Expert

Jodi Carlton, MEd

February 24, 2026

conflict, connection, diagnosis, expectations

YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship Podcast
Host: Jodi Carlton
Season 5, Episode 17
Guests: Jeremy and Charity Rochford

In this episode, I sit down with Jeremy and Charity, a couple married for over 20 years, who share their journey of discovering neurodivergence in their children—and eventually in Jeremy himself.

Like many families, their story began not with a marital crisis, but with a preschool evaluation. What followed was a cascade of questions, shifting beliefs, and ultimately a reframing of what autism actually means. Jeremy candidly describes how his understanding of autism was frozen in a 1980s narrative shaped by Rain Man and stigma. Charity shares how becoming a parent softened her lens and allowed her to reinterpret behaviors that once felt frustrating as sensory overwhelm and autistic burnout.

What makes their story powerful is not that neurodivergence disappeared as a challenge. It didn’t. Instead, they developed systems. They experimented with accommodations. They adjusted expectations. They chose mutual respect over resentment.

You’ll hear us talk about:

• Why autism and ADHD don’t excuse behavior but do explain it

• The difference between accommodating someone and losing yourself

• Why both partners “pulling the rope” matters

• How unspoken marital expectations create friction

• The importance of building a “marriage system” instead of blaming each other

• And what it looks like when life doesn’t match the picture you originally imagined

This conversation reflects something I emphasize often: neurodivergence itself is rarely the core problem in a relationship. Misalignment, unwillingness, trauma history, and lack of mutual regard are far more predictive of breakdown than brain wiring alone.

Jeremy and Charity demonstrate that when there is willingness, motivation, and respect, a neurodiverse relationship can not only work—it can grow stronger because of the clarity that comes with understanding.

Season 5 Introduction

This is a lightly edited transcript from Season Five of Your Neurodiverse Relationship Podcast. Grammar and formatting have been corrected for clarity. Meaning and intent remain unchanged.

Jodi:

Hello, and welcome to Season Five of the Your Neurodiverse Relationship Podcast. I’m Jodi Carlton, your host and a neurodiverse relationship expert. Like so many of you, I’ve been on my own journey of discovering and understanding neurodiversity — both personally, with my family members and even myself, and professionally, as a therapist and now a relationship coach to people around the world.

I’m often asked: can neurodiverse partner relationships actually work? And the answer is absolutely they can. Just like any relationship, there are core variables that influence whether or not you’ll thrive as a couple. Neurodiverse relationships are no different — they just have the added layer of one or both partners being neurodivergent. This season, I’ve got a lineup of couples and partners who are in neurodiverse relationships that are working. They get real and personal with me about the challenges they’ve faced and how they’ve overcome them. Let’s get started.

Meet Jeremy & Charity

Jeremy and Charity Rochford—known as Team Rochford—are certified life coaches and co-founders of NeuroFam, where they specialize in coaching for neurodiverse couples, parents, and families. Married for 25 years and raising two autistic children, they blend professional expertise (Jeremy has a BA in Communication Studies; Charity a BA in Psychology) with lived experience to deliver a truly balanced perspective.

NeuroFam’s coaching is forward-focused and results-based—helping families create practical systems, reduce resentment, and build relationships that thrive. Jeremy works primarily with autistic/ADHD men, fathers, and young adults, while Charity supports neurotypical partners, mothers, and women navigating ND/NT family dynamics.

Jodi:

All right, today I’ve got Jeremy and Charity here with me today, and I’m really excited to have the two of you on the show because you are a neurodiverse couple.

You have your own podcast, you’re coaches, and you’re making it work. So that’s what this whole series is about. Let’s just start with you introducing yourself to our viewers and listeners.

Charity:

So, I am Charity Rochford. I am wife and mom of the house, and as we will get into it, I’m the odd man out. I’m the neurotypical. And we have two kids. So we’ll get into that as well, but yes, I’m the—

Jeremy:

I’m Jeremy, probably the most autistic of the group, kind of the bloodline that started a lot of this, where both kids are on the spectrum. We run NeuroFam, which is a coaching practice, and we’ve got the podcast.

I’ve got my bachelor’s in communication, and so I kind of came to the conclusion that instead of using public relations practices to help companies sound better talking to each other, let’s help couples actually start to sound better in their communication. And so that’s a very quick snapshot of who we are. I’m the dad.

Jodi:

Yeah. Obviously, this will be in our show notes, but could you go ahead and tell folks your website and the name of your podcast?

Jeremy:

So our website is ourneurofam.com. The podcast is Neuro FM, which you can also find at neurofm.com. And the goal of the podcast is to be the least depressing neurodivergent podcast in the world.

We found when we got into this space, not just with our diagnosis but trying to help others, that there can be a lot of darkness around this, a stigma, whether it’s autism or ADHD. And we found that it’s actually freeing to know that we’re on the spectrum because it explains so many behaviors.

And so we want to bring that side of the reality to the journey. We want to bring the positivity because you hear a lot of the negative and the doomsday shame. And it’s like our life has gotten exponentially better since each diagnosis occurred.

So the whole goal of the podcast is to kind of give that voice some amplification and to say marriages don’t have to end. You weren’t duped. There is a way toward happiness and joy. It might look different than you expected, but what journey doesn’t?

Jodi:

Yeah. That’s really one of the reasons why I’m doing this whole series this season of my podcast, because there is a lot of focus on the challenges. There are so many myths out there about it just not being possible.

I see people on my YouTube channel saying, “Just run, run. If you know, don’t stay in a relationship.” And I’m like, hold on. Neurodiversity is only one layer of who we are. There are neurodiverse couples who are misaligned just like neurotypical couples can be misaligned.

And there are other dysfunctional things and traits that can prevent a neurodiverse relationship from working, but the neurodivergence itself is rarely the problem. So I cannot wait to hear what you guys have to say. And that’s what this whole season’s about.

I want to circle back to what you just said about instead of helping companies learn how to communicate, let’s help couples.

I actually refer to couples as a company sometimes. I’m like, think about your partner as your co-founder. Would you talk to your co-founder like that? Even in dating, I’m like, look for somebody you’re willing to trust your company with and look for that person that aligns with you. So anyway, I just wanted to share that.

Jeremy:

We are totally aligned on this conversation.

Jodi:

Awesome. We’re already vibing then. So let’s just jump right in. Where do you want to start and what message would you like to share?

Charity:

I guess we should add in that we have been married 20 years. We dated four years before that, so we’ve been together a while.

Jeremy:

And then the neurodiversity part, the neurodivergence probably entered about five years ago, first with the kids, which then started a multitude of questions, which led to answers, which led to more questions, which led to more answers, which I think finally got us to a place of understanding.

And kind of like you said, neurodivergence isn’t quite the problem, but it might be something that makes solving the problem more challenging.

Jodi:

Yes, absolutely.

Jeremy:

From our coaching standpoint, autism and ADHD don’t excuse the behavior, but they explain it. And if we can at least understand the why, we can then ask what’s the best direction to solve the what.

Jodi:

Yes. Oh my gosh, you guys, we are so aligned because I think I’ve said those exact words before. I’m constantly taking my clients through the layers of why. Why is that? And why is that? And why is that?

Something you just said is also such a common pattern. It starts with the kids. The kids get identified as, “Something different’s going on here.” Or the school system says, “What’s happening here?”

And then they get identified as neurodivergent in some way, whether it’s ADHD or autism or sensory processing or dyslexia, or just one of those things. And then the parents—or I’ve even had grandparents come to me in their seventies saying, “Okay, my granddaughter got diagnosed, and that’s how it was in my family too.”

I don’t even know that we have a neurotypical representative in the family. I don’t think that person exists.

So just tell me more about that journey for you guys.

When the Diagnosis Begins with the Kids

Charity:

Yeah, so ours was identified by our son’s preschool program.

It was a long, kind of not quite clear process, right? Because they didn’t want to come out and say, “Hey, we think this about your kid.”

So it was, “You should probably have your child evaluated.” So we had a behavioral therapist come in and a behavioral specialist who did therapy as well come in and observe our son in preschool and say, “Okay, we have sensory issues, so we’ll get a sensory box, blah, blah, blah.”

And the director was like, “Yeah, no, that’s not it. You’re going to have to go back in and get some more.”

So then we got on the waitlist. We were figuring maybe ADHD. That would make sense to us. He was the only boy we had, so Sunday school teachers would just say, “Oh, he’s all boy. Here, you can have him back.” So we just figured that was what all boy was like. We didn’t know any different.

Charity:

So, in our months of waiting, I had actually met with a friend who’s a special education teacher while we were preparing for our full child psychiatrist evaluation process.

And for her to help kind of walk me through what I was seeing—I’m going to need to know ahead—we’d gotten our initial first step of questionnaires.

And just through the conversation with her, she planted the seed of like, “Yeah, it might be autism.” I was able to see it through her and see it in a very positive light because I was a psychology major. To me, it was all just, “Oh, okay, this is a new interesting thing that I should learn more about and be prepared and figure out how to help.”

That’s just my thing. I’m the helper in the family, right?

Jeremy was not quite as positive right away.

Jeremy:

Slow to adopt the belief, the understanding.

Jodi:

Can I jump in and ask you, Jeremy, from your perspective—because I know that is a thing for a lot of people—what was going through your mind? What was part of that slow process?

Updating the 1980s Autism Narrative

Jeremy:

Being a child of the 80s, at least from my perspective, with a lot of these things you grow up with, you kind of timestamp them when you first learn about them.

So when I hear autism, I think Rain Man. I think all these things from the 80s. I think mental deficiency, not mental difference.

And so that was my deeply held belief that hadn’t needed to be challenged until then.

So my default was, wait a minute, here are all these negative things. I learned about it when I was going through school. It must still be the same.

And so I think for me, that was where a lot of hesitancy was—hoping that there wasn’t an autism diagnosis because I knew, in 1980s autism diagnosis—

Jodi:

That’s what you were picturing for the future for your son.

Jeremy:

Exactly.

And so it wasn’t until Charity really brought me out of my comfort zone to challenge those beliefs of, “Wow. Okay, wait—that person’s autistic? They seem so normal. That person’s autistic? They’re hilarious. I thought autistics couldn’t communicate. What’s going on here?”

Right? And kind of bring me along to what autism is in the 2020s, not the 1980s.

That’s where my hesitancy came from. It was a 40-year delay of understanding and not paying attention to the research that we have now.

Jodi:

I think that’s such a valuable thing that you’re sharing because a lot of times it’s a partner who starts to realize, “This is neurodivergence. This is autism.” And then when they bring it to their spouse, there’s that heels digging in and, “Whoa, that is not what I am.”

Because that definition of what autism is—I know my generation too—my first exposure to the word was Rain Man. So that narrative has never been updated. It’s never really had a reason to be.

I’m working with a couple right now. She told me on the side, “He still doesn’t like it when you say autism.” And I’m like, “Okay, okay, okay. Thanks for letting me know.”

It is a process.

I’ve been working with a man whose one son had been diagnosed with Asperger’s back in the day, and I clearly saw that the other son was autistic—and the dad too. But when I brought that to him, he’s like, “Oh no.” And it was because they were like three different groupings of traits.

So to him, that one grouping—he accepted that his one son was autistic, Asperger’s autistic—but not him and not his other child. But they very much were.

So I think that’s very relevant.

Jeremy:

Well, I think it’s a really good segue, honestly, into how we discovered our daughter was on the spectrum because a lot of the questions we were going through to prepare for the test—they kind of give you this questionnaire of, “Do you recognize these things in your child?” to kind of give the psychiatrists a heads-up.

Charity:

“How often do they do this? How often do they do that?”

Jeremy:

Yeah.

Charity:

The classics are like, “How often do they line up toys?” And then the examples are all very boy-driven, like lining up trucks and cars.

But as we went through, there were some traits in there where we’d be like, “Oh, Jonathan doesn’t do that, but Corinne does that all the time. Maybe we should get her evaluated for something.”

And I should add in—Jonathan is diagnosed autism level two plus ADHD. His was the most evident to society, so that’s why his got picked up first.

And then, yes, as we were going through the evaluation and looking at things and being like, “Oh wow, that sounds like our daughter,” attention kind of focused on him for a little while. And then when we had the brain space to look more—

I was doing a lot of watching videos, right? That’s one of the ways that I take in things and process them really well, is to have real-world examples. So watching a lot of Tony Attwood videos—

Jeremy:

And that’s going to lead us to the next part of the story.

As Dr. Attwood was doing a really great job explaining how women tend to mask better and that’s why it’s so hard to diagnose, and you may get two of the five but you don’t get the extra—

You kept sending me these videos about these middle-aged New Zealand guys or these middle-aged Australian guys who are on the spectrum.

And my first response was, “This is great, but I think they’re a little old for our daughter. I don’t know if they’ll resonate.”

Which was your very nice, polite, covert way of saying, “We’re chasing the why, and we’re probably going to end at you.”

And I just wasn’t getting it.

Jodi:

You weren’t getting the subtle cues at all.

Jeremy:

I was becoming more open to the reality because once Jonathan got diagnosed, it was very much a fighting, “This isn’t going to change anything.”

“Do We Have to Tell Anyone?”

Charity:

And you did slowly go into it because you were like, “Okay, so it’s a thing, but do we have to tell anybody?”

Jodi:

What did that mean to you, Jeremy?

Jeremy:

Well, again, going back to the stigma, there’s such a close association with other mental deficiencies.

This was my first true experience.

And so it begat all the questions of, “Will people look at him differently? Will people have different expectations for him?”

Yes, we can control how we react to it internally and the narrative we create for him. But if we take that beyond our control, how much harder are we going to have to work if we build up this belief of what it can be for him and then you have some ignorant person just destroy that?

Now it’s like all that work we did is undone by someone’s ignorance or by a clinician who doesn’t fully understand, or a teacher who doesn’t understand or doesn’t care to understand.

So for me, it was more protective of, “This is our reality. How can we build a foundation that’s strong enough that’s not going to be wrecked by an outside influence?”

That was my greatest concern of sharing.

And then all of the perceived stupid questions that would follow, and trying to always have to defend my son as a label rather than a person.

Jodi:

And clearly you’ve gone from that to now you have a podcast. So that’s quite a journey.

I completely relate to that one as well because I’m also out here now trying to really spread the awareness and the education and really shift the paradigm of what we understand about what neurodiversity and autism is.

When Compassion Replaces Frustration

Jodi:

Okay, so talk me through—you’re learning, you’re starting to realize, you’re recognizing this in your son, you’re seeing maybe your daughter, Charity’s starting to see maybe it’s Jeremy too—and how is this affecting the two of you as a couple?

Charity:

For me, I feel like I kind of got lucky in that as a mom, you have this automatic internal compassion for your children and all the challenges they go through.

So when I would see our son being challenged by certain things, or our daughter struggling through something, that would change me. It made me feel the same for Jeremy.

So instead of things that had previously been like, “Oh, come on, get it together. You’re an adult.” Like when he would get angry offhand, what felt like out of the blue—now we know that it was building, building, building, and then he hits autistic burnout or just having a meltdown. Like a grown man meltdown, right?

Jodi:

Yeah, sensory overload. The spoons are gone.

Charity:

Right.

Jeremy:

Regularly. Mine went to eleven.

Charity:

Because through the years, there were all these other reasons for all of those things, right? Like his sensory issues with loud noises.

He had always just been like, “Well, I’m the only one who cares about my ear health.” So it was always like, “Okay, you’re just making a fight. You’re just picking a fight. You don’t care about your ear health more than anybody else.”

But coming forward and getting to see it through the kids—like, “Oh my gosh, Jonathan is really affected by loud noises that he doesn’t make.”

Jodi:

Key differentiator there.

Charity:

So getting to look at that and see, “Oh, that’s really stressful for him. That’s a real challenge for him.”

Instead of seeing it through the way that I had for 15-plus years of, “Oh, he’s just being too much,” now it’s, “Oh my gosh, this is a sensory thing.”

This has never been identified as a sensory thing. I can have compassion for that, and my response comes from a completely different place.

And because of seeing it in the kids—and my automatic reaction is compassion for the children and what they’re going through—it made it so much easier for me to see things in that way with Jeremy.

Personal Responsibility and Growth

Jeremy:

And from my perspective, this might seem irrelevant and random, but it lays the foundation for the answer.

About 20 or so years ago, I went on a weight loss journey where I lost 200 pounds without surgery.

This was late 90s, early 2000s. So it’s not like you could just Google, “How do you lose weight?” You had to figure it out.

Charity:

There was no Biggest Loser.

Jeremy:

Yeah.

And surgery wasn’t an option because my father was very much of the mindset that it’s not a lack of surgery in your life that’s causing you to be overweight. So adding surgery to your life isn’t going to solve it.

So I kind of devised a plan of, “This is what I need to do to lose weight.” I lost 200 pounds and kept it off since then.

And I brought that reality into the autism of, “Okay, inherently you don’t come factory-installed with executive function.”

We know that.

So if I need to be empathetic and I don’t have empathy, what do I need to do to learn empathy?

If I lack theory of mind and I need theory of mind, what do I need to do to strengthen my theory of mind?

And I started looking at the executive function things from the mental aspect almost as a physical aspect of, “Okay, I have weak arms. I need to do arm exercises.”

Okay, I lack theory of mind. What can I do to better understand theory of mind?

Apply it in my own terms so that I benefit from it, but so do those around me.

And so in the same way where Charity will feel that she got lucky because she has this compassion, nurturing understanding of the kids, I feel like I got lucky to have Charity to help me find that balance of accommodation while I’m striving to advocate for myself to be better.

As competent and reliable as possible.

And not to sit back and go, “Well, I wasn’t born with these things, so you just kind of have to deal.”

In the same way, I didn’t want to stay overweight, so I had to figure out how to change that.

I didn’t want to be the husband or the father who wasn’t able to participate and meet these expectations that society deemed as normal.

So it was the drive of going, “What do I need to do to operate in this world that’s not designed for me?”

All the while Charity’s running alongside of me saying, “Yes, we’re striving, but let’s take the accommodations where we can make them.”

So things like if noise is an issue, what type of headphones?

Well, headphones don’t work because they press on my glasses.

Okay, well are there noise-canceling earbuds?

Yes, but only certain ones, because some create a suction, which is another sensory issue.

But having the patience to go through five to ten different pairs until we finally got the right one, and having that balance of her accommodating that experience while I’m driving to improve the experience.

So that way, with the earbuds, I can still be present.

I can still be in the noisy situation my son is creating without being dysregulated myself and lashing out at him because I need that sensory protection.

As an adult, I was smarter than the situation and found a way to figure out the situation so our son can be a kid, but I can also be involved.

Jodi:

Even using that systematic logic to figure out the accommodation.

Charity, I want to hear from you. I have a question for you about accommodation, but I want to respond to what you’re saying because I find it fascinating that those of us who are in this space of figuring this out—and even working with other people—are coming to so many similar conclusions and even using some of the same language without ever having met each other.

Because I use the software and hardware analogy a lot. I talk about the hardware you’re born with and then the software that’s installed, and then needing a software upgrade or figuring out what you need.

One of my more popular podcast episodes was with David Glick, who is autistic and also a therapist. The name of the podcast was “You Need an Updated Software,” because he was talking about that.

And then here you are talking about it too.

I oftentimes use the analogy that all three of us are wearing glasses right now. We have this hardware—our eyes are not seeing effectively.

Do we just go around life going, “I can’t see very well, but you need to accommodate that”?

Or do we go to the eye doctor and get ourselves some glasses?

It takes the shame out of it because people feel so much shame when they say, “I was born this way. There’s nothing I can do about it.”

It’s like, well hold on. You were born this way, but is there nothing you can do about it?

I think there probably is something you can do about it.

So I just wanted to say it’s really cool to me that we’re all kind of understanding it in this similar way.

Charity, as far as accommodation goes—one of the things that comes up a lot in my Facebook group (I have about 2,600 members, both neurodivergent and neurotypical men and women in there, and we don’t allow any kind of bashing of any neurotype)—is resentment.

This resentment of neurotypical partners: “Why do I have to be the one to accommodate?”

I would love to hear you speak to that.

Accommodation Without Resentment

Charity:

That’s a hard question. Why do we have to do it?

Again, I feel like I’m lucky because I do have the kids first, right? So I see it through the eyes of my kids also. I can’t divorce that question from my children as well.

If I see them struggling and I can do something differently that is going to make it not as much of a challenge and help them be the them that I know they can be, why would I not do it?

We’ve developed some different processes now, but we had had our cars set up for different driving experiences.

When the kids were in the car with me, I’m theater carpool mom. We do carpool theater karaoke. It’s musicals at the top of our lungs, and there’s full kid autonomy and they can do whatever they want and be loud in my car.

Jeremy:

And we—

Charity:

In Jeremy’s car, our way of setting that up was to make it so his car was going to be more quiet.

Jodi:

So we’re at the museum in Jeremy’s car. We’re using our museum voices.

Jeremy:

Well, it started out with smart words.

So we would listen to some appropriate audiobooks and things like that because I didn’t want it to be such a lame experience. I didn’t want the ladies to have all the fun.

But I also knew that the kids screaming at the top of their lungs would feel like hell on earth.

So the original iteration before the earbuds and everything was smart words.

Let’s listen to podcasts and audiobooks that are educational but also kind of fun. Dad can control the volume.

And because they’re podcasts and audiobooks, you don’t expect them to be glaring at the top of the speaker.

Charity:

Dad controls what’s on. Dad controls the volume.

There’s no participation with the activity. It’s just the one sound that he’s expecting.

So that’s an example of an accommodation that really isn’t a negative to me in any way.

Yes, I’m doing things, but they’re not things that are hard to me.

They’re different, but I don’t feel “woe is me.”

I do have some sensory differences.

I was the first one to say years and years and years ago, “Hey, I don’t like certain things.”

We don’t generally vacation at the beach. Even our honeymoon, everyone else was like, “Oh, we’re going to Sandals or we’re going to this beach. Where are you guys going?”

And I was looking at him—he’s a ginger and me—and I’m thinking, no.

We like potatoes, so we agreed to go to Idaho.

Jeremy:

That being the response, it’s like, “Can I marry you twice?”

Because as a former fat kid, the idea of taking your shirt off at the beach—not awesome.

And then being someone who’s brutally ginger and Caucasian, I have two pigments. I have white or I have red. There is no tan for me.

But yeah, to your point—

Charity:

Yeah, I’ve kind of been making accommodations for my own sensory stuff.

There are just some smells that I cannot stand and I will avoid like the plague.

I do those things for myself to make me not completely grossed out.

I do that for me, and it’s not this super difficult thing. It’s just, okay, that’s just the next thing to do.

I don’t look at them negatively.

So anything that we do for you or the kids, it’s felt almost like a fun game of, “Oh, what new thing can we put into play that actually works?”

The visual clocks have been amazing.

We have clocks that are paired with our Amazon speakers that we use for a lot of things.

And I love Disney stuff, so I got Mickey Mouse ones.

Now when we’re prompting the kids for a transition, we’ll let them know, “Hey, you’ve got 20 more minutes to play.”

Instead of me having to remember to give them a prompt at 10 minutes and a prompt at 5 minutes, now we’ve gotten to the point where I can say, “Hey kids, you’ve got 20 more minutes. Set your timer.”

They’re learning that step themselves.

Now we’re getting to the point where I don’t even have to prompt them as much.

All I say is, “Okay, here’s 20 minutes.”

They audibly set their timer, and they can see how much time they have left.

Every time they think, “Oh, how much time do I have left?” they can look up at the clock and it shows them visually how many minutes they have.

And then it goes off to let them know when their time is up.

That’s another accommodation that we use in the house.

For me, it was just a bonus because I got Mickey Mouse clocks in the house.

Jodi:

But it makes everybody’s quality of life so much better.

Charity:

Right.

So I don’t see accommodating in our household as a negative.

Both Partners Pulling the Rope

Jeremy:

And I’d be interested to see as well, just to compare experiences from a clinical and professional standpoint.

The wives that we work with who feel the bitterness and the resentment—quite often that’s compounded by the autistic husband not really trying.

The autistic will say, “Well, why wouldn’t you make these accommodations? I’m the one with the clinical diagnosis.”

The ones who are able to get through that bitterness and resentment are the ones who see the genuine effort coming from their husband.

They can say, “Well, I’m doing this extra effort, but he’s seeing the effort I’m making and he’s making effort too.”

And I’ve found that the couples that really make it, both parties are pulling the rope.

Capacity, Willingness, and Motivation

Jodi:

I 100 percent agree with that.

This whole series is about what are those ingredients that can make a neurodiverse relationship work.

The three pillars that I say are necessary are capacity, willingness, and motivation.

Someone has to have the capacity, and if they don’t, they have to be willing to look at, “What kind of glasses can I put on? What kind of software can I upgrade?”

But if they’re not willing or motivated to do that, then now we have a misalignment problem.

I absolutely agree with you there.

But the other layer I’ll add is that a lot of times it’s other things that aren’t even related to neurodivergence.

Trauma history with other relationships, childhood trauma—there can be huge insecurity and a need to be validated and affirmed and reassured that you’re loved.

And then neurodiverse couples oftentimes communicate love in different ways.

One person is looking to be confirmed in one way, and the other person’s not doing that.

So there are a lot of layers there.

Again, it doesn’t go back to just the neurodiversity itself.

It’s the personality traits and the willingness and motivation.

I want to go back to what you were saying, Charity.

First of all, timers were a godsend in my household.

I raised my kids before a lot of this new technology came on the scene.

I went and got these little egg timers. They were like two dollars, and we had them everywhere—every room of the house, every car.

They were so effective and helpful because the kids could see that visual and get that transition period.

And I also wanted to say, I think what you said about being a mom is very relevant.

There are times when I hear conversations like, “Would you even want to be in a relationship with someone who’s autistic?”

I’m like, “Hey, you’re talking about my daughter.”

She’s a wonderful human being and fully capable of having self-awareness.

But I love what you said about accommodation.

There’s just this basic regard for who we are as human beings.

This is who you are. This is who I am. This is who our children are.

And because I love you, because I love them, what can we do to make everybody’s quality of life better?

Where it gets tricky is when people feel like, “I have to accommodate you at my own expense.”

Do you want to speak to that?

It’s Not the Person. It’s the System.

Jeremy:

Do you want to answer that, or do you want me to chime in?

Where a lot of this could be curbed is, did the two of you ever have a conversation pre-marriage of what an ideal marriage looks like?

Most honestly haven’t.

So what happens is spouse one will come in with expectations and spouse two will come in with different expectations. They’re never communicated, so off the bat they are prone to not meet each other’s expectations.

Then you throw in a differing neurotype who can’t understand their reaction to this disappointment, and then it just kind of spirals from there.

From our standpoint, working with the couples, we try to reset and go, “Okay.”

There’s a book called Thanks for the Feedback that talks about it’s not the communication that’s the issue. It’s the communication system that’s the issue.

Looking at marriage the same way, it’s not the people that’s the issue. It’s the marriage system.

Most parties never actually created a marriage system. So no wonder it doesn’t work.

Going back and establishing that system takes the pressure off the, “You’re wrong. No, I’m wrong. No, you’re wrong.”

No—the system’s wrong. Neither of us are wrong because we never actually established it.

We have found that that really helps make things better as it pertains to the resentment and the frustration and the entitlement and all of those things.

Jodi:

Yeah, I think so too.

I have an entire communication course and a model that I developed because of what you just said.

I even have this analogy—people who follow me have heard it a hundred thousand times—of this backpack, like a virtual backpack that you carry with you. Everything that’s in it makes you who you are at any given moment in time.

Those expectations, the values, your history—it’s all in there.

A lot of times people are just showing up and interacting without even being aware of the why.

Why do I feel hurt by what you just said?

Well, it’s because I expected you to say something different.

Why did I expect you to say something different?

Why did you have a different expectation?

It helps people unpack where those breakdowns are.

When Expectations Don’t Match Reality

Charity:

When you were talking, I was thinking about another piece to answer the last question a bit more on my side too.

There have been some accommodation pieces.

I love Disney. I worked in the Disney parks. I’m on a Disney podcast. I love Disney, and I love going down to the parks.

When I initially envisioned going down to the parks, it was as a family.

He would be like my podcast panel mates, right?

He would eventually love it as much as I do.

Looking at the way that they pose that question—well, what do you have to do? You’re giving up things essentially to accommodate them.

Part of accommodating Jeremy is knowing that that whole Disney park experience is too much for him.

It Just Looks Different

Now, it looks different.

I don’t not get to do it.

We’ve worked things out so that maybe it’s me and the kids, or me and the kids and my mom, or I’ll go with friends now. I’ll go on trips by myself.

I still get to really enjoy the things that I love.

It just looks differently.

Now we figured out that he actually doesn’t mind Disney cruising. It’s a different experience.

It is something that we get to do together as a family, and I still get to do some of those things.

Sometimes it just doesn’t look the way I imagined it would.

Jodi:

And that’s true of life though, isn’t it?

We imagine what life’s going to be, and then it definitely doesn’t always turn out that way.

Jeremy, what were you going to add?

Mutual Respect as the Foundation

Jeremy:

I think from the guy side too, being appreciative of that.

I’ve worked with a lot of guys who would respond very differently in that situation where, “I don’t like Disney, so why would we go to Disney? Let’s go to my special interests.”

And I go, “Why should she suffer because of something I don’t appreciate?”

Likewise, why would I diminish?

There are a lot of guys who’d be like, “Disney’s stupid. How old are you? Shouldn’t y’all be growing up?”

And it’s like, no.

She loves that.

In the same way, you could ask a grown man, “Why are you wearing another grown man’s jersey? That’s not you. You’re not playing for that team.”

If she’s not going to belittle my special interests—NASCAR or hockey or things like that—why would I belittle something that has deep emotional attachment to her childhood?

Closing Reflections

Jodi:

I think that’s such an important message, particularly for our autistic thinkers who sometimes have difficulty with theory of mind and recognizing that your point of view, your perspective, is really valid to you.

What I’m hearing from you both is that one of the fundamental ingredients is mutual respect and mutual regard.

Even though you are really different from me, and in a lot of ways I cannot relate to you at all, I still respect you and value you and recognize that your experience is just as valid for you as mine is for me.

I really think that’s one of the most fundamental ingredients of a healthy relationship, no matter the neurotype.

I want to thank you both.

This has been a delightful conversation.

Obviously, we could talk for hours and hours, so if you ever want to come back, please reach out to me. I’d love to talk to you again.

Charity:

Thank you.

Jeremy:

We’d love to.

Charity:

Yeah, this was great. Thank you.

Jodi:

That’s a wrap for today’s episode.

Be sure to subscribe or follow the podcast so you won’t miss any of these amazing interviews.

And as always, if you’re benefiting from and enjoying this podcast, please give us a review.

It really helps other people know that this podcast is beneficial and worth listening to.

Thanks for watching on YouTube or tuning into your favorite podcast platform.

Don’t forget to visit me online at jodicarlton.com for more resources.

I have assessment quizzes, educational articles, courses, and more.

If you have any questions, just reach out to my team at gethelp@jodicarlton.com.

Until next time.

The post How a Child’s Autism Diagnosis Reshaped Their Marriage first appeared on Jodi Carlton, MEd, LLC.

Jana shares two practical accommodations that changed everything for them: adjusting seasoning so everyone can eat comfortably, and normalizing separate sleep spaces to protect deep rest. Matt explains why requests land so differently than criticism—and how problem-solving as a team builds connection, trust, and day-to-day ease.

Missed Part 1? Start there first 🎧

Watch this episode on YouTube

Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community

We get into the practical tools that helped them shift the pattern: active listening, pausing for your "best self," and one surprisingly effective strategy—recording tough conversations to spot misunderstandings and reset the narrative.

Ready for Part 2? Listen here.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community

Ashley explains how Jodi’s “I’m okay” mantra helps her separate Randall’s emotions from her own, while Randall describes the tools that help him prevent meltdowns—like weighted blankets, routines, and clear recovery time. Together, they reveal how empathy, preparation, and boundaries create safer connection and a stronger marriage.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/LR3i_mUUiPQ

Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships

They share simple but powerful tools—like Jodi’s “2-or-10” scale for deciding what’s worth energy, and the “I’m okay” mantra that helps calm emotional overload. Together, they show how curiosity, communication, and empathy can make all the difference in a neurodiverse relationship.

Watch this episode on YouTube:
https://youtu.be/aGgmicw8wu4

Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships

In this episode, Mike and Amy are back for Part 2 to share what actually happens after the discovery and how they’ve stayed connected through burnout, resentment, emotional differences, and communication challenges.

Mike was identified as autistic in adulthood, long after their relationship began. Together, they talk honestly about the shifts they had to make, the misunderstandings that once felt overwhelming, and the unexpected strengths autism brings into their home and partnership.

If you missed Part 1, I encourage you to listen to that episode first. It covers how they discovered Mike is autistic and the early strategies that helped them build a more workable, sustainable rhythm together.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why so much advice about autistic–neurotypical couples feels negative

• The strengths, focus, and “superpowers” autism brings into daily life

• How Mike recognizes autistic burnout earlier and what helps prevent shutdowns

• The difference between being angry at your partner vs. angry about the situation

• How gender roles and emotional labor shape hetero neurodiverse relationships

• Communication tools that have made a difference—soft startups, scripting, and meta-messages

• What both autistic and allistic partners need when they’re at different stages of awareness or acceptance

We also speak directly to therapists and coaches about the importance of understanding neurodiversity as its own specialty and how easily it’s misidentified without the right training.

About Today's Guests

Mike and Amy have been together for 18 years. Mike discovered he is autistic four years ago, which opened up a completely new understanding of their relationship dynamic. Today, he advocates for autistic adults and is currently writing a forthcoming memoir on late-diagnosed autism.

Amy is a licensed therapist in Illinois and a coach for clients in other states. She specializes in supporting autistic adults, partners in neurodiverse relationships, and parents raising neurodivergent children. She also trains other clinicians in recognizing adult autism and working effectively with neurodiverse couples.

Connect with Amy: amatthews@prairiewellness.org
Learn more: prairiewellness.org

About Your Host

I’m Jodi Carlton, a neurodiverse relationship coach with more than 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, educator, and author. As a neurodivergent woman who spent 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raised neurodivergent children, I bring both professional expertise and lived experience to this work. I help individuals, couples, and families around the world find clarity, confidence, and connection in their neurodiverse relationships.

Explore resources, quizzes, and courses: jodicarlton.com
Questions? Contact me: gethelp@jodicarlton.com

In this episode, I talk with Mike and Amy, a couple who discovered as adults that Mike is autistic. Their story is deeply relatable for anyone navigating a new understanding of neurodiversity in themselves or their partner. They share openly about the early misunderstandings, mismatched expectations, and emotional tensions that shaped their marriage—and the strategies they put in place to protect their connection instead of slipping into resentment.

This conversation offers a grounded, human look at what really happens when a diagnosis reframes your entire relationship dynamic.

In this episode, we talk about:

• How Mike’s late autism discovery reshaped their understanding of past conflicts

• The early signs and communication patterns they didn’t recognize at the time

• Why so many couples feel “blindsided” before diagnosis

• How masking, missed cues, and emotional differences created tension

• What helped them shift from frustration to clarity

• The early strategies that made life more workable and reduced resentment

• How they built trust and safety while adjusting to a major identity shift

Mike and Amy’s honesty brings so much relief to listeners who feel alone, confused, or stuck in patterns they can’t explain. Their story also sets the foundation for Part 2, where we explore burnout, emotional labor, and more advanced communication tools.

About Mike & Amy

Mike and Amy have been together for 18 years. Mike discovered he is autistic four years ago, which provided language and clarity for years of misunderstandings neither of them knew how to name. Today, Mike advocates for autistic adults through writing and organizational leadership. Amy is a licensed therapist and coach who specializes in supporting autistic adults, their partners, and parents raising neurodivergent children.

📧 Connect with Amy: amatthews@prairiewellness.org
🌐 Learn more: prairiewellness.org

—

About Your Host

I’m Jodi Carlton, a neurodiverse relationship coach with more than 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, educator, and author. I’m also neurodivergent myself, diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. My work is rooted in both clinical expertise and lived experience—19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children. I help neurodiverse couples and families gain clarity, communication skills, and emotional confidence so their relationships can genuinely thrive.

Explore resources, quizzes, and courses: jodicarlton.com
Questions? Contact my team: gethelp@jodicarlton.com

In Part 3, the final episode of this roundtable series, Jodi and the panel of neurodiversity experts explore the skills that make progress possible: forgiveness, repair after conflict, and practical tools that help partners bridge intent and impact. This conversation digs into what progress actually looks like (hint: it’s not linear), why discomfort is part of the process, and how couples build something that works for them—not just what’s “supposed to” work.

💬 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• How forgiveness can support healing without minimizing real pain

• What effective repair looks like when most problems are ongoing, not “fixed”

• Why tools and strategies matter more than “it should be natural” thinking

• How to tolerate uncertainty and stay connected through discomfort

• Key markers that show a couple is moving forward together

Whether you’re navigating a neurodiverse relationship yourself, supporting someone you love, or working with couples in this space, this conversation is packed with real insight and practical strategies you can start using right away.

👉 Missed Part 1? Watch here: https://youtu.be/rXeUypJeQX4?si=yz0jiOYVdGy007-J 

👉 Missed Part 2? Watch here: https://youtu.be/rqW5GRhu5Fs 

📍 Episode Timestamps:

00:00 – Season 5 Intro: Can Neurodiverse Relationships Really Work?
01:56 – Progress Looks Messy: Awareness, Micro-steps, and Tolerance
07:26 – Forgiveness, Healing, and Real Repair (Gottman Lens)
11:35 – Lived Experience + A Daily “Autism Moment” Journal Tool
18:03 – Stop “It Should Be Natural”: Tools That Fit Neurotypes
22:46 – Intent vs. Impact, Acceptance, and Calling Out Toxic Dynamics
27:20 – Forgiveness for You, Acceptance ≠ Approval, “Space Between Stories”
31:14 – Markers of Progress: Impact Over Intent, Build Your Own Tools

👋🏼 Meet the Experts:

This episode features insights from:

Laura Schreiner – Licensed counselor (IL) specializing in neurodivergent individuals & couples.  https://www.laurasnc.com

Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. – Host of Neurodiverse Love Podcast, creator of Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards & Workbook, and organizer of the Neurodiverse Love Conference. https://www.neurodiverselove.com

Heidi Hackney – ICF-certified coach, mentor, & co-founder of Autistic Voiceover Artists (AVA), supporting autistic adults in the voiceover industry. https://thecan-docoach.com

Natalie Roberts – Award-winning neurodiverse relationship coach, co-founder of Loving Difference, and co-host of Myth Busting Neurodiverse Relationships. https://natalieroberts.com

Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes – Autism researcher, ordained minister, author of Uniquely Us, and host of Neurodiverse Christian Couples Podcast. https://www.holmesasr.com

Debbie King – Counselor specializing in neurodiverse relationships, trauma, & toxic family dynamics, offering global support via Zoom.

Robin Tate, M.A., M.S., BCC, ACC, CAS – Neurodiverse couples coach, certified autism specialist, and founder of Robin Tate LLC. https://www.robintatellc.com

Jana Smith – Resilience and nervous system coach; expert in chronic illness and Cassandra Syndrome recovery. https://www.janamsmith.com

#neurodiverserelationship #autisminmarriage #adhd #forgiveness #repairafterconflict #cognitiveempathy #communicationtools #neurodiversity
_________________________________________________

👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

👉 Find resources, quizzes, and courses:

https://jodicarlton.com 

🔔 Subscribe & Follow for more real conversations and strategies to support #neurodiversecouples.

Coaches Jeremy & Charity Rochford show how neurodivergent partners can self-accommodate (not outsource to neurotypical spouses) and how neurotypical partners can set boundaries that protect their own bandwidth. You’ll learn concrete tools—transition buffers, noise strategies, visual timers—and how a shared relationship system replaces score-keeping with reciprocity.

If you’ve been told to “just run” from a neurodiverse relationship, this episode offers a smarter path. Jeremy (autistic) & Charity (neurotypical) (hosts of the NeuroFam podcast) join Jodi to show how reframing autism/ADHD from problem to predictable pattern unlocks real solutions. We dig into practical rituals that improve connection without enmeshment, plus we explore why “effort is invisible” and how accommodations can increase connection instead of being sacrifices for either partner.

Jeremy explains his “software upgrade” mindset (strengthening theory of mind/executive function like training a muscle), while Charity shares how compassion + structure reduce resentment. You’ll leave with scripts, rituals, and a way to accommodate needs without erasing yourself.

00:00 – Welcome to Season Five

01:00 – Meet Jeremy & Charity

04:45 – Autism isn’t the problem: Updating the ‘80s narrative

09:40 – How kid diagnoses led to adult discoveries (and relief)

14:20 – Compassion shifts: Seeing sensory overload vs. “too much”

18:30 – “Software upgrades”: Building empathy & executive function

22:10 – Accommodations that work: Earbuds, car rules, visual timers

29:10 – Resentment vs reciprocity: Why effort is invisible

33:00 – Build a marriage system: Make expectations explicit

35:20 – Accommodate without erasing yourself (Disney example)

👥 Meet Jeremy & Charity Rochford

Jeremy and Charity Rochford—known as Team Rochford—are certified life coaches and co-founders of NeuroFam, where they specialize in coaching for neurodiverse couples, parents, and families. Married for 25 years and raising two autistic children, they blend professional expertise (Jeremy has a BA in Communication Studies; Charity a BA in Psychology) with lived experience to deliver a truly balanced perspective.

NeuroFam’s coaching is forward-focused and results-based—helping families create practical systems, reduce resentment, and build relationships that thrive. Jeremy works primarily with autistic/ADHD men, fathers, and young adults, while Charity supports neurotypical partners, mothers, and women navigating ND/NT family dynamics.

🔗 Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• NeuroFam website
  https://www.neurofam.com

• NeuroFM Podcast
  https://www.ourneurofam.com/neuro-fm-podcast

• Book: Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen https://www.stoneandheen.com/thanks-feedback

• Course: How to Communicate in Your Neurodiverse Relationship
  https://jodicarlton.com/courses/relationship-2-0-crack-the-communication-code/

• Tony Attwood
  https://www.attwoodandgarnettevents.com/

—

👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

🔔 Help the algorithm help other couples — Like, Subscribe & Share!

Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.

#NeurodiverseRelationship #AutismInMarriage #ADHD

Neurodiverse Relationship Expert

Jodi Carlton, MEd

October 1, 2025

communication, expectations, neurodiverse couples, therapy and coaching

You’ve tried to explain, to connect, to fix… but no matter what you do, you end up feeling unseen and shut out.

Many women who come to me for coaching carry the weight of their relationships. They feel invisible, confused, and wonder if they’re asking for too much. Some have already Googled “Is my husband autistic?” or “signs your partner is autistic” at 2 a.m., desperate for answers. Others haven’t considered autism yet—but they know something feels off.

I also work with men who experience similar dynamics, but this article (and the linked video) is written specifically for women in relationships with men who may be on the autism spectrum.

Today I’m sharing six signs your partner may be autistic and what those behaviors actually mean. These signs don’t prove a diagnosis, but they can help you understand confusing relationship dynamics.

A Note on Autism, Asperger’s, and the Labels You May Hear

In 2013, the DSM-5 (the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) officially retired the diagnosis of Asperger’s disorder, reclassifying it under autism spectrum disorder (“ASD”). Still, many autistic adults who were diagnosed before 2013 continue to identify with the term Asperger’s, and some countries outside the U.S. still use it.

For consistency in this article, I’ll use the term autistic. Autism is not a character flaw—it’s a neurological difference, not a choice or a shortcoming. It represents a distinct neurotype: a unique way of experiencing and processing the world.

Research continues to highlight that autism is not one-size-fits-all. For example, recent work from Princeton University suggests there may be at least four distinct subtypes of autism, each with its own developmental, behavioral, medical, and genetic patterns.

Autism in Relationships

Autism can influence communication styles, emotional expression, and executive functioning. Recognizing these differences is essential to forging relationships that feel more connected rather than confusing.

Based on my work with women and couples, these are some common signs that your partner is autistic.

1. It Feels Like You’re Speaking Different Languages

You’re both speaking the same language, yet it’s as if you’re having two different conversations. It can feel like your husband is using words the way someone speaks a second language—like you trying to remember the French you learned in college. The effort it takes to bridge that gap means misunderstandings pile up quickly, and even the simplest conversations can leave you feeling like you’ve run a marathon.

It’s not that he isn’t listening. Autistic partners often process language differently, missing the tone, subtext, or implied meaning that seems so obvious to you. Over time, those gaps build into a constant weight, until it feels like you’re carrying the job of translator in your own marriage—always working to make yourself heard and understood.

For Example:

You say, “I need more support around the house,” hoping to start a conversation about the mental load you’re carrying.

He replies, “You should’ve just told me to take out the trash.”

To you, “support” means shared responsibility. To him, it means completing a specific task. You’re expressing a need and hoping for connection, while he interprets your words literally, focused on action rather than an opportunity to be partners on a team.

What helps:

Use clear, concrete language instead of abstract, vague requests or statements. Instead of “I need more support,” try: “I’d like to problem-solve together how we can divide up the mental and physical load of managing our home and family.” Direct language cuts down on misunderstandings and makes it easier for him to meet you halfway.

2. The Instant Shutdown During Tough Conversations

Disagreements are part of any relationship—but when your partner shuts down, goes silent, or walks away, it can feel deeply rejecting.

What you intend as a calm, honest conversation can land as overwhelming or even threatening to an autistic nervous system. For many, conflict creates mental “traffic jams,” where too much information collides at once. The result is withdrawal—not necessarily a lack of love, but a sign that his system can’t process the moment.

For Example:

You say, “I felt really alone last night after my friend’s cancer diagnosis. Why didn’t you stay with me to talk instead of going to bed?”

Instead of engaging, he goes silent or leaves the room. Later, he insists, “You’re making a big deal out of me going to bed.” 

To you, this was a vulnerable emotional moment. To him, it felt like blame or criticism, which his nervous system registered as a threat.

What helps:

Tackle one issue at a time, and frame requests in non-blaming language. Try: “I noticed myself feeling really alone last night and realized I wanted more connection with you. Can we talk about how I can share that next time so you’ll know?” This keeps the door open for dialogue without triggering withdrawal. It also acknowledges responsibility for being clear about what you need without blaming him for not recognizing it.

3. The Emotional Brick Wall

Your partner sometimes seems emotionally flat or detached. He may not respond with the same depth or nuance of emotion that feels natural to you.

Where you can hold layers — excitement mixed with fear, confidence laced with doubt — his reactions may come across as more limited. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. For many autistic men, emotions are experienced in broad categories, such as “happy,” “sad,” or “angry,” and are perceived more as thoughts than physical sensations (feelings). This can make your nuanced feelings harder to grasp for your partner.

This difference in emotional “language” can create distance, even when he cares deeply.

For Example:

You share, “I’m proud I got the promotion, but I’m also scared I’m not ready.”
He replies, “So are you happy or not?”

You’re comfortable holding two emotions at once — accomplishment and fear. But he may only recognize emotions in black-and-white terms, and may struggle to understand your mixed emotions, leaving you feeling misunderstood.

What helps:

Describe your emotions in concrete terms and give him a clear way to support you. For example: “I feel proud of myself for getting this promotion, but I’m also nervous about learning the new role. It would help me to talk with you about the reasons I’m qualified and ready for this.” Clear, specific requests provide a roadmap for connection.

Is My Partner Autistic? Take the Free Quiz

Take the free Autism Trait Assessment – Partner Rating, a 10-question autism quiz for partners. In just a few minutes, you’ll see whether your partner shows common autistic traits.

Take the free quiz

4. Chronic Blind Spots Around Emotional Connection

You may feel like he just doesn’t “get” the little things that make you feel loved or connected to him — whether it’s him remembering to text back or offering words of comfort or a hug when you’re overwhelmed.

It can be easy to interpret that as indifference, but often it’s a matter of wiring. Two common autistic traits play a role: mind-blindness (difficulty intuiting unspoken needs, emotions, or social cues) and task-tunnel vision (hyperfocus that makes it hard to notice anything outside the immediate goal). To you, his silence feels neglectful; to him, it may simply never register.

For example:

You come home in tears after a rough day and say, “I’m just so overwhelmed.”
He replies, “Then quit your job,” and turns back to his laptop.

You were looking for comfort, but he defaulted to logic. Many autistic individuals process discomfort logically, offering a solution instead of emotional support. The result feels cold—even if he does care. By suggesting that you quit your job, he’s actually showing support and care, wanting you to be less overwhelmed. That’s important to him.

What helps:

State what you need up front. Try adding: “I don’t need a solution. I just need a hug.” Simple, direct language takes the guesswork out and increases the chance you’ll feel supported.

5. Rigid Routines and Resistance to Change

Spontaneity may be fun for you—but for him, it might feel destabilizing.

Many autistic adults rely on structure and routine to create a sense of calm and predictability. When that structure changes unexpectedly, it can create anxiety or overwhelm that looks like stubbornness or control. What appears to be inflexibility on the outside is often a coping strategy on the inside.

For Example:

You suggest skipping the gym for a spontaneous dinner downtown.
He frowns: “Why would we do that? It’s Tuesday. We always go to the gym on Tuesdays.”

To you, it’s a fun idea. To him, it’s stress-inducing. Routines provide stability and regulation, so unexpected changes can feel threatening.

What helps:

Communicate changes early and invite collaboration. For example: “I know it’s Tuesday, and we normally go to the gym. Would you be open to going to dinner instead? If not, that’s okay, too.” A small shift in how you present spontaneity can reduce resistance. It’s equally important to recognize that your partner may decline your spontaneous ideas—and that doesn’t make him wrong any more than it makes you wrong for wanting spontaneity. If you judge or criticize his need for routine, he’ll likely become even less open to sudden changes. Accepting him as he is, rather than pushing him to respond like you would, can go a long way in building relationship connection.

6. It Feels Like You’re From Different Planets

At times, you may feel like you and your partner are living in parallel worlds—same house, same conversation, but entirely different experiences.

He may not mirror your energy, laughter, or emotional cues the way you expect, or the way other people in your life do, which can leave you feeling lonely or dismissed. Many autistic people describe feeling as if they’re in a “foreign world” even in their closest relationships. That mismatch can create a deep sense of disconnect, even when love and care are real.

For Example:

You tell a funny story, laughing and expecting him to join in.

He nods once and says, “That’s weird,” then returns to his phone.

You’re left stunned, wondering if he cares. In reality, he may not have registered your tone or picked up on the cue to laugh. Many autistic people don’t mirror social rhythms in the way neurotypical partners expect.

What helps:

Don’t assume indifference. Turn it into a lighthearted cue instead of a criticism. Try: “That was the punchline — this is where you laugh!” Adding a smile or playful tone helps him recognize the social rhythm without feeling shamed, making the interaction fun instead of tense.

Should You Ask Your Partner to Seek an Autism Diagnosis?

Many women wonder if they should encourage—or even push—their partner to get a formal autism diagnosis. In my experience, adult evaluations can be inconsistent. Some clinicians still lack training in how autism shows up in adults, particularly in those who have spent years masking their differences as a way to cope in a neurotypical world. The result can be an inaccurate or inconclusive report, which often leaves couples with more confusion than clarity.

A diagnosis can certainly be validating and helpful, but it isn’t always necessary. What matters most is recognizing how neurodiverse dynamics are showing up in your relationship and learning tools to navigate those differences. A label can provide guidance, but it doesn’t determine whether your relationship can thrive.

It’s also important to respect your partner’s readiness—or lack of readiness—to seek a diagnosis or to identify as autistic. Pressuring him, insisting on a label, or framing it as proof can backfire, often leading to defensiveness or shutdown. Sometimes the most productive approach is to set the label aside and focus on understanding each other’s needs, communication styles, and challenges. Meeting your partner where he is creates space for growth, respect, and connection—whether or not a formal diagnosis is ever pursued.

Next Steps: Free Quiz + Support

If this article resonates, you’re not alone.

Start small with free resources:

Try the Autism Trait Assessment – Partner Rating, a free 10-question quiz that can help you see whether your partner shows common autistic traits.

If you’d like to go deeper:

Enroll in my digital course, How to Communicate in Your Neurodiverse Relationship. It’s offered on a pay-what-you-can basis, so you can get started right away and begin using the tools to reduce frustration and build more connection in your relationship.

And when you’re ready for more personalized support, book a one-on-one consultation with me to clarify whether autism is part of your story and create a tailored roadmap for your relationship.

Key Takeaways

• Miscommunication, shutdowns, emotional mismatch, lack of support, rigid routines, and “different planet” disconnects are common signs of autism in relationships.

• Clear, concrete communication and structured problem-solving reduce conflict.

• Support from someone who “gets” neurodiverse dynamics can bridge the gap when DIY fixes aren’t enough.

You deserve clarity. You deserve connection.
And above all, you deserve to feel seen.

The post Autism in Men: 6 Signs in Relationships – And What They Mean first appeared on Jodi Carlton, MEd, LLC.

If you need clear, practical tools to make a neurodiverse relationship feel calmer and more connected, this episode delivers! Jodi and licensed counselor Greg Fuqua (late-identified autistic) break down exactly how autistic self-regulators and ADHD co-regulators can stop clashing and start syncing up—so both partners feel seen, safe, and respected.

Greg shares the exact rituals he and his wife use after 30+ years together—like a 20–30 minute transition buffer before reconnecting after time apart, a simple “commute-call” habit that creates connection without pressure, and a prepare → attune → debrief framework for handling events like parties or family gatherings.

You’ll hear why effort often feels invisible, why “fair” doesn’t always mean equal, and how shifting from content fights to process check-ins changes everything. We also dig into scripts for setting capacity limits, what shutdowns and alexithymia look like, and a quick connect → ground rhythm you can try today.

If you missed Part 1, circle back for the mindset shifts that make these tools stick.

💡 This episode is especially helpful for:

• Autistic–ADHD couples who keep clashing over how they calm down or connect

• Partners who want closeness without losing themselves (empathy + boundaries)

• Late-identified adults looking for simple scripts and daily rituals to cut conflict and feel safer together

00:00 – Welcome to Season Five 01:48 – When couples therapy backfires (“the wrongness trap”) 03:02 – Self-regulation vs. co-regulation in ASD and ADHD 06:43 – The 20–30 minute transition ritual that prevents conflict 09:10 – Why effort is invisible and scorekeeping fails 17:14 – The commute-call ritual for daily attunement 20:26 – Two rules for safety in communication 26:53 – The couple’s event game plan: Prepare → Attune → Debrief 31:24 – Reflection over rehashing: how growth really happens  

About Greg Fuqua:

Greg Fuqua, MA, LMHC, is a late-identified autistic therapist specializing in neurodiverse counseling and couples therapy. With over 30 years of personal experience in a neurodiverse marriage, Greg brings rare insight to his clinical work, blending lived experience with professional expertise.

Formerly a professional artist and art professor for 23 years, Greg integrates creativity and empathy into his strength-based, person-centered approach. He is an Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist (ASDCS) and Level 2 AANE-trained neurodiverse couples therapist, as well as co-host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast with Mona Kay.

Greg leads Divergent Counseling in West Des Moines, IA, where he supports individuals, couples, families, and organizations in building healthier, more authentic relationships.

Resources:

• Greg’s website: https://www.gregfuqua.com/

• Neurodiverse Connections Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@NeurodivergentConnections/featured

• More from Jodi: Visit jodicarlton.com (free resources, assessments, and courses)
  • Watch Part 2 of my conversation with Greg: Coming Soon: October 1!

• Questions? Email: gethelp@jodicarlton.com

—

👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

🔔 Help the algorithm help other couples—Like, Subscribe & Share!

Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.

If your neurodiverse relationship feels like a boxing ring—or you keep looping the same arguments—this episode gives you a new playbook. Jodi sits down with licensed counselor Greg Fuqua (late-identified autistic) to talk about what really changes things: shifting from blame to inner work, breaking the cycle of “negative assumptions of wrongness,” and why individual therapy often helps autistic/ADHD couples more than traditional couples counseling.

Greg also shares the turning point in his own 30-year marriage: a career collapse, intrusive suicidal thoughts, and the affect-based therapy that cracked open his emotions and rebuilt his capacity for connection.

You’ll come away with practical language you can use today, a clearer map of autistic–neurotypical differences as strengths (not flaws), and a preview of Part 2, where we dive into specific co-regulation and attunement tools you can practice at home.

💡 This episode is especially helpful for:

• Autistic/ADHD–NT couples who keep circling the same argument

• Late-identified adults reframing a lifetime of “why am I like this?”

• Partners tired of score-keeping who want practical, non-pathologizing tools
  
  

00:00 – Season 5 Intro: Can Neurodiverse Relationships Really Work?

01:06 – Meet Greg Fuqua: Late-Identified Autistic Therapist

01:51 – Why Neurodivergent Therapists See Things Differently

02:30 – Inside AANE’s Level 2 Couples Training

07:21 – Relational Trauma & the “Assumption of Wrongness”

12:33 – Greg’s 30-Year Marriage: Struggles, Turn-Taking & Survival

17:46 – From Suicidal Thoughts to Healing & Authenticity

29:21 – The Secret to Making Neurodiverse Relationships Work

About Greg Fuqua:

Greg Fuqua, MA, LMHC, is a late-identified autistic therapist specializing in neurodiverse counseling and couples therapy. With over 30 years of personal experience in a neurodiverse marriage, Greg brings rare insight to his clinical work, blending lived experience with professional expertise.

Formerly a professional artist and art professor for 23 years, Greg integrates creativity and empathy into his strength-based, person-centered approach. He is an Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist (ASDCS) and Level 2 AANE-trained neurodiverse couples therapist, as well as co-host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast with Mona Kay.

Greg leads Divergent Counseling in West Des Moines, IA, where he supports individuals, couples, families, and organizations in building healthier, more authentic relationships.

Resources

• Greg’s website: https://www.gregfuqua.com/

• More from Jodi: Visit jodicarlton.com (free resources, assessments, and courses)

• Questions? Email: gethelp@jodicarlton.com

—

👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

Ever mistaken a stranger for your spouse? Journalist and author Sadie Dingfelder has—because she’s face blind. In this episode of Your Neurodiverse Relationship, Sadie and her husband Steve share what it’s like to navigate marriage when both partners are neurodivergent in different ways.

From ADHD to prosopagnosia (face blindness), this conversation is filled with relatable moments, honest insights, and laugh-out-loud stories. Sadie discusses how discovering her own neurodivergence led to writing her debut book, “Do I Know You?”, while Steve reflects on living with ADHD since childhood and what finally helped him understand how his brain works. Together, they talk with host Jodi Carlton about cognitive empathy, relationship conflict, and what it really takes to make a neurodiverse marriage thrive.

If you're in a neurodiverse relationship—or love someone who is—this episode offers validation, wisdom, and the reminder that being “on the same team” is everything.

00:00 – Welcome to Season Five

01:00 – “I Thought I Was Neurotypical”: Meet Sadie & Steve

04:40 – Mistaking a Stranger for Your Spouse?! Discovering Face Blindness

09:15 – How COVID Changed Everything in Their Marriage

13:50 – “We’re Living in Different Realities”: Cognitive Empathy Explained

19:10 – ADHD Meds, Creativity & Finding What Actually Works

25:00 – The Secret to Making Neurodiverse Relationships Work

✨ About Sadie Dingfelder & Steve Hay:

Sadie Dingfelder is a science journalist with a sharp wit and a deep curiosity about hidden neurodiversity. In her debut book, “Do I Know You? A Faceblind Reporter’s Journey into the Science of Sight, Memory, and Imagination”, she unpacks what it’s like to live with prosopagnosia (face blindness) while taking readers on a fascinating tour of the brain’s inner workings. A former reporter for the Washington Post Express, Sadie is known for blending humor and insight—whether she’s reviewing every bathroom on the National Mall or playing a priceless Stradivarius at the Smithsonian. Her writing has appeared in The New Yorker, National Geographic, Washingtonian, and other major publications.

Steve Hay is an engineer and aspiring scientist who is currently developing an augmented reality art project that simulates prosopagnosia by using AI to subtly distort faces in real time. Before turning his focus to brain and perception research, Steve worked as a Navy nuclear engineer and later in the green energy sector, applying AI and machine learning to grid-scale energy storage. His work blends scientific insight, creative experimentation, and a knack for making the invisible visible.

📚 Check out Sadie’s book “Do I Know you? A Faceblind Reporter’s Journey into the Science of Sight, Memory and Imagination.” https://www.amazon.com/Know-You-Faceblind-Reporters-Imagination/dp/0316545147 

—

👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

👉 Explore more episodes, free resources, quizzes, and courses:

https://jodicarlton.com 

🔔 Don’t Forget to Like, Subscribe & Share!

Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.

In Part 2 of this Season 5 episode with Jodi, Adam and Becca James go even deeper into the realities of a neurodiverse marriage. Becca is autistic and ADHD (AuDHD). Adam is neurotypical. Together, they’ve reached millions on TikTok with raw, relatable content about neurodivergent relationships.

Together, they open up about the day-to-day realities of a neurodiverse relationship—from miscommunication and parenting stress to intimacy challenges, sensory overload, and the emotional friction that comes with constantly decoding each other’s world. With their signature mix of honesty and humor, they explore what it really means to stay connected when love languages clash and nothing feels simple.

💬 You’ll hear about:

• Why physical intimacy can feel impossible—and how they rebuilt it from scratch

• What happens when emotional cues are misread (and how they recover)

• The invisible mental load of affection, communication, and “showing up”

• The challenges of parenting as a neurodivergent mom

• How some people misunderstand their viral videos—and why they keep posting anyway

• Why understanding each other isn’t a goal—it’s a practice

• What keeps them committed, even on the hardest days

Whether you're married to someone with autism, parenting through sensory stress, or just trying to better understand your neurodivergent partner, this episode is a heartfelt continuation of a conversation that’s making thousands feel seen.

📍 Episode Timestamps:

00:00 – Season 5 Intro: Can Neurodiverse Relationships Really Work?
00:57 – Meet Adam & Becca: Viral TikTok Couple
01:36 – Misunderstandings, Meltdowns & Missed Signals
03:12 – Using Humor to Survive Neurodivergent Life
10:29 – Family Expectations vs. Neurodivergent Needs
14:42 – When Physical Affection Feels Overwhelming
17:22 – Autism, Intimacy & Rebuilding a Sexual Connection
20:20 – The Gap Between Neurotypical & Neurodivergent Brains
21:46 – Rethinking How Relationships “Should” Work
23:44 – Why Intentional Understanding Keeps Us Together
26:05 – Miscommunication in Marriage: It's Not What You Think
33:29 – Parenting With Limited Bandwidth
37:14 – The Poisoner’s Almanac: Becca’s Special Interest
38:55 – Final Thoughts + Resources for Neurodiverse Couples

✨ About Adam & Becca:

Adam and Becca James are a neurodiverse couple living in Georgia who’ve built a community of over 205K followers on TikTok (@studiesshow) by sharing the everyday realities of their relationship—equal parts insightful, awkward, and hilarious.

Their content went viral after one clip, now with over 32 million views, showing the wildly different ways they wind down at night. Since then, they’ve continued to open up about the challenges and gifts of navigating life, love, and parenthood with ADHD and autism in the mix.

Adam is a home health physical therapist, musician, and lifelong Braves fan. Becca, a nurse with experience in both hospital and home healthcare, brings her dry wit and deeply self-aware reflections to their videos, offering a perspective that resonates with both neurodivergent and neurotypical viewers alike.

Together, they use their TikTok platform to normalize neurodivergence, dismantle stigma, and remind their audience that even opposites can thrive—with the right mix of humor, honesty, and headphones.

Adam and Becca also co-host The Poisoner’s Almanac, a podcast exploring poisons (one of Becca's special interests) through history, culture, and modern science.

Mentioned in this episode:

🎧 Adam & Becca’s podcast: The Poisoner’s Almanac – a true crime-meets-science deep dive into historical and modern poisons, created around Becca’s special interest.

👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

👉 Explore more episodes, free resources, quizzes, and courses:

https://jodicarlton.com

🔔 Don’t Forget to Like, Subscribe & Share!

Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.

In this episode, Jodi chats with Adam and Becca, a neurodiverse couple whose viral TikToks have racked up millions of views. Their videos offer an unfiltered look into the realities of a neurodiverse relationship—and their honest, often hilarious conversations have helped hundreds of thousands of viewers feel less alone.

Together, they share what it’s really like navigating marriage with autism and ADHD in the mix: from sensory overload and autistic burnout to faith deconstruction, parenting struggles, emotional disconnects, and wildly mismatched love languages.

Becca opens up about her late autism diagnosis, how masking nearly broke her, and why even small moments of affection can feel overwhelming. Adam reflects on how being a neurotypical husband has challenged him to rethink communication, connection, and what support truly looks like.

💬 You’ll hear about:

-How they met and fell in love despite major differences
-Becca’s late autism diagnosis and what finally made everything click
-How masking, meltdowns, and burnout shaped their early years of marriage
-The tension between physical touch and sensory boundaries
-Why Adam’s humor is more than just comic relief—it’s a lifeline
-The role faith and religious deconstruction played in reshaping their connection -What it means to truly be seen—and chosen—by someone wired differently

If you've ever wondered what "opposites attract" looks like in a neurodiverse relationship, this episode is a must-listen!

📍 Episode Timestamps:

0:00 – Season 5 Intro: Can Neurodiverse Relationships Really Work?
01:00 – Meet Adam & Becca: A Quirky First Encounter
03:00 – Burnout, Meltdowns & the Cost of Masking
06:00 – Autism, Sensory Overload & the Need for Space
10:40 – Parenthood, Shutdowns & Surviving the Early Years
18:55 – Late Diagnosis, Big Realizations
20:45 – From Toxic Church Culture to Mental Clarity
25:00 – How Opposites Communicate (and Miscommunicate)
28:50 – Choosing Each Other, Every Day
34:25 – Why Laughter Helps More Than You Think 

✨ About Adam & Becca: Adam and Becca James are a neurodiverse couple living in Georgia who’ve built a community of over 205K followers on TikTok (@studiesshow) by sharing the everyday realities of their relationship—equal parts insightful, awkward, and hilarious.

Their content went viral after one clip, now with over 32 million views, showing the wildly different ways they wind down at night. Since then, they’ve continued to open up about the challenges and gifts of navigating life, love, and parenthood with ADHD and autism in the mix. Adam is a home health physical therapist, musician, and lifelong Braves fan. Becca, a nurse with experience in both hospital and home healthcare, brings her dry wit and deeply self-aware reflections to their videos, offering a perspective that resonates with both neurodivergent and neurotypical viewers alike.

Together, they use their TikTok platform to normalize neurodivergence, dismantle stigma, and remind their audience that even opposites can thrive—with the right mix of humor, honesty, and headphones. Adam and Becca also co-host The Poisoner’s Almanac, a podcast exploring poisons (one of Becca's special interests) through history, culture, and modern science.

💬 NEW! Try the NeuroTranslator App Want help understanding each other’s neurotypes in everyday situations? The NeuroTranslator app offers on-demand explanations to help reduce conflict and increase connection. Built by an autistic husband to bridge communication gaps between neurotypes. Save 30% with promo code JODI.

🔗 https://www.neurotranslator.ai 

👩‍💼 About Your Host:

Jodi Carlton, MEd Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

👉 Explore more episodes, free resources, quizzes, and courses: https://jodicarlton.com  

🔔 Don’t Forget to Like, Subscribe & Share! Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.

In Part 2 of this roundtable discussion, Jodi and the panel of leading neurodiversity professionals return to explore how coaching (versus therapy), nervous system regulation, and identifying options can help couples shift out of stuck patterns—even when one partner isn’t engaged in the work. If you’re trying to decide whether to stay, leave, or redefine what being together looks like, this conversation offers real-life strategies, hope, and clarity.

💬 What You’ll Learn in This Episode: The difference between coaching and traditional therapy—and when each is most effective Why regulating your nervous system is key to better communication Practical tools for rewiring the brain and shifting harmful patterns How to navigate decision-making, boundaries, and even separation with clarity and self-trust What to look for in a therapist or coach to determine who actually understands neurodiversity - versus someone who “knows someone that was neurodivergent” How healing is possible even if only one partner is doing the work

Whether you're in a neurodiverse relationship, supporting a loved one, or working as a professional in this space, this episode offers real tools, compassionate insight, and hopeful next steps.

👉 Missed Part 1? Watch here: https://youtu.be/rXeUypJeQX4?si=1GiWaeRK5PhrWS59 

00:00 Welcome Back: Season 5 & this Expert Panel Episode
00:57 Real-Life Experience from Neurodiverse Professionals
03:15 Why Traditional Couples Therapy Often Falls Short
04:49 Coaching vs. Counseling: What Works for Neurodiverse Couples
06:05 Nervous System Regulation & Expanding Capacity
08:52 When Only One Partner Is Willing to Do the Work
13:02 Discernment: Stay, Go, or Redefine the Relationship
21:42 How to Know If a Therapist Really Gets Neurodiversity
27:45 Red Flags, Abuse, and Boundaries in Neurodiverse Marriages
28:25 Closing Thoughts & Resources

👋🏼 Meet the Experts: This episode features insights from:

Barbara Grant, MMFT, CAS, NDCC – Neurodiverse couples coach, co-host of Neurodiverse Couples Coaches Corner, and co-author of Uniquely Us. https://bg-hc.com

Jana Smith – Resilience and nervous system coach; expert in chronic illness and Cassandra Syndrome recovery. https://www.janamsmith.com

Natalie Roberts – Award-winning neurodiverse relationship coach, co-founder of Loving Difference, and co-host of Myth Busting Neurodiverse Relationships. https://natalieroberts.com

Heather Parks – Somatic coach specializing in neurodiverse families; co-host of Loving Difference and Myth Busting Neurodiverse Relationships. https://heatherparks.co.uk

Robin Tate, M.A., M.S., BCC, ACC, CAS – Neurodiverse couples coach, certified autism specialist, and founder of Robin Tate LLC. https://www.robintatellc.com 

👩‍💼 About Your Host:

Jodi Carlton, MEd Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

👉 Find resources, quizzes, and courses: https://jodicarlton.com  

🔔 Subscribe & Follow for more real conversations and strategies to support neurodiverse couples.