When a partner claims that autism means they "don't understand consent," where does neurodivergence end and abuse begin? Jodi Carlton and Mona Kay unpack the difference between autistic behavior and abusive behavior, why "no means no" applies regardless of neurotype, and how media scripts and porn can distort expectations around consent for black-and-white thinkers. They also discuss the yes/no/maybe checklist, masking in neurodiverse marriages, the fawning response, and when ignoring a partner's "no" crosses the line into narcissistic and exploitive behavior.
This episode discusses interpersonal violence (IPV), sexual abuse, and related topics. If you may be triggered by this conversation, please take care of yourself. Resources are listed below.
⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Teaser: No Means No, Regardless of Neurotype
1:33 Episode Intro
2:10 Content Warning & Listener Question
3:37 Abuse vs. Autistic Behavior
5:01 Abuse Is Not Autism
6:30 Any Neurotype Can Be Abusive
7:36 "Your Safety Is What Matters"
8:09 Any Adult Can Understand Consent
10:38 Porn, Scripts & Black-and-White Thinking
11:32 The Yes/No/Maybe Checklist
12:23 Media Messaging: "No Means Yes" & the Pursuit Myth
15:14 Masking & Saying Yes When You Could Say No
15:56 When "No" Is Ignored: That Is Abuse
16:17 Fawning, Codependency & Personal Accountability
18:21 Narcissistic & Sociopathic Behavior
19:58 Resources & "It's Never Just Leave"
21:00 Wrap Up & What's Next
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Navigating Neurodiverse Life and Love is a casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent, hosted by Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton, two leading voices in the area of neurodiverse life and love. Send your questions, comments, and stories about neurodiversity to podcast@jodicarlton.com or click below to be featured on an upcoming episode.
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www.neurodiverselove.com
www.jodicarlton.com