Is your relationship struggling because of neurodivergence — or because you're just not compatible? In this episode of Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life, Jodi Carlton and Mona Kay get honest about one of the hardest questions neurodiverse couples face.
In episode 4 of Season 6:
The two extremes of autistic commitment: the revolving door and staying forever in a toxic marriage
Why blaming the diagnosis is unfair to your partner AND the neurodivergent community
How compatibility changes when you move in together, get married, or have children
Why traditional marriage therapy often makes things worse for neurodiverse couples
Nesting — the alternative living arrangement helping neurodiverse families find peace
Jodi's personal story of neurodivergent burnout after her kids left for college
How ADHD and autism create opposite conflict styles in the same household
How to ask genuinely curious questions — and why most questions are actually setups
Whether you're in a neurodiverse relationship, raising a neurodiverse family, or just trying to understand yourself better, this episode will help you stop blaming the diagnosis and start building real understanding.
⏱ Chapters
0:00 Intro — Meet Jodi & Mona
1:33 Episode Begins — Commitment Extremes in Autistic Relationships
2:23 Mona's Story: He Would Have Stayed Forever
2:51 Loyalty, Aversion to Change & Letting Go
4:46 Mona's Coaching Philosophy: Compatibility Over Neurotype
5:49 You Can't Blame It on the Diagnosis
7:05 Compatibility Changes — Moving In, Marriage & Kids
7:53 Nesting: A New Container for the Relationship
9:10 Jodi's Story: Dating After Divorce
9:35 Neurodivergent Family Burnout
14:04 Key Lesson: Understand Yourself & Your Partner
15:00 Jodi's Tip: How to Ask Curious Questions
16:13 Mona's Experience: Check Yourself
17:52 Wrap-Up & Closing
Navigating Neurodiverse Life and Love is a casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent, hosted by Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton, two leading voices in the area of neurodiverse life and love. Send your questions, comments, and stories about neurodiversity to podcast@jodicarlton.com or click below to be featured on an upcoming episode.
Visit us:
neurodiverselove.com
jodicarlton.com
Thank you mentioning nesting. It’s such a good option if both people will buy in !
This podcast was perfect for me. I am autistic. I suspect my partner may be ADHD, but he's not diagnosed. We are both in our 70s. Anyway, it's his lifestyle of staying up late and sleeping in that disregulates me. We don't live together, but he stays here 3 or 4 nights a week, and he'd like to stay all the time. I get it, because his house is a mess, but I don't want to live with somebody. Even the three or four nights a week is too much for me. I think we are just incompatible, and I don't love him enough to want to change my routine, because it's what makes sense to me. I have a house and a big yard to take care of, and I want to do it for as long as I can.